Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Think about my Angels

Now that i am going to be a mother I cant help but to feel bittersweet in a way. Since my parents aren't going to be part of my baby's life. i know they will be there in spirit but it is not the same thing. i envy my husband for having his parents around. there is nothing more in the world i would want but for my baby to have is grandpa and gramma. for my baby to taste my mothers wonderful cooking, to get to know how sweet and understanding she was. if i am at least half as great as my mommy as a mother i would be content. she was one of the most loving and forgiving person i have ever met. i just feel that we have been robbed. my baby has been robbed of having wonderful grandparents. there really isn't anyone like my parents. my dad was a strong man with a strong character and strong work ethics. always there for his girls making sure the homework was done and that we helped our mom out.

Most of my close friends now that i had to go throw all theses years but for people who are new to my life or this blog this is what happened to my parents. My father passed away from a heart attack back in August 2002. at that time i was 16 years old my mother had battle Cancer for about 12 years. it was devastating for me. we had never had anyone died in our family in years. my mother was very sick and depressed after my father passed. months later my mother lost her battle to cancer on November 2002. how was this possible? how could this have happen to us?!? We were good people we always did the right thing. My mother was a devoted catholic who was always positive and knew god would save her. My sisters and I

the hard part for me was remembering my mother before she passed away. she wouldn't sleep because she didn't want to die in her sleep. she didn't want to leave her girls alone. i thought to myself no god cant do this to me it is not fare. he cant take her away too but he did. he took her too and i was alone with my sisters but i felt so alone. my sisters are older than me. i was still a teenager i still needed them there, not that my sisters didn't but i was still a kid. after my mom passed away i had very mixed emotions about god. to be honest i was angry at him. he had left us alone. for me the hardest moment in my life was coming back after the funeral. i felt so lost, what do i do now. i didn't know if life would go could it, life as i knew it was gone.

and of course life does go on. i went back to school and graduated with a 3.50 GPA. now that i am older i understand that they where both in pain and that they are in a better place now. but there are moments like this that i miss them more than anything in this world. that i wish i could call them for advice. i know this feeling will always come in special moments like when i graduated high school, got married and now having a baby. mom and dad i just want ya'll to know i never forget you and that there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think of you . los amo y extrano....


Listening to: Glee Cast: Maybe this time featuring Kristen Chenoweth

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